As predicted, my surgeon checked me out and cut me loose on Friday. He said my surgical site looks much better than he thought it would. “Better than expected” is always good to hear. My left side looks great, and the right is still a bit lumpy. I asked if that would eventually smooth out, too, to which he answered, “Probably?” The other side was equally lumpy at one time, and that resolved, so I’m going to apply my vast medical experience, be more definitive and say, yes, it will. Since he was so impressed with how it turned out, I asked if he’d like before and after photos to hang in his office.
Let’s talk about marijuana. In Minnesota, people with one of a list of specific medical conditions can get a referral from their doctor to get on the registry to buy medical marijuana from licensed dispensaries. Bob’s doctor, trying to steer Bob away from a Vicodin addiction, encouraged him to explore pot to help with his chronic neck pain, so he’s been able to access the dispensaries for a while now. A doctor refers you, you pay $200, then you get to buy medical marijuana from a licensed dispensary in vaporizer pipes, as a topical salve, or in capsules. The pot comes in many formulations with differing levels of THC (what makes you high but also relieves pain) and CBD (which has anti-inflammatory and anti-anxiety properties).
Cancer is one of the qualifying conditions for medical marijuana. I argue that “Trump presidency” should also be a qualifying condition. My oncologist has referred me to the registry.
I heard a story once about someone who was too cheap to pay her own $200 registration fee, and just used stuff her husband bought. Rumor has it she had sampled the goods long before she ever had cancer, even, which is illegal and wrong. I heard that she’s a scofflaw, and also believes that as a middle-aged white woman, her chances of being arrested on a misuse of medical marijuana charge are very, very slim. But apparently she has become even more emboldened now that she can point to her name being legitimately on a list, even if she hasn’t paid the $200 to complete the registration.
She sounds like bad news. Don’t do drugs!
Moving on to my IUD. Prescribed to me to help with torrential periods, it emits a low level of localized hormones and ultimately makes periods stop. Which is why I’m not sure if I’m menopausal or not. But good news! If I’m not, the chemo will throw me into menopause, so I can enjoy hot flashes and other menopausal symptoms alongside the chemo side effects! To be on the safe side, since my cancer likes some of the hormones the IUD releases, my oncologist said it had to go.
I had such good luck removing my surgical drain by myself, that I thought JUST KIDDING!! I did think about it, but only for like a second. I went so far as to google it, but the first article that came up was a female doctor listing all the reasons she, as a doctor, wasn’t going to try this at home. The message was clearly “Don’t be a fucking idiot, even if you did just boil the needle-nose pliers.” I left it to the real medical professionals.