Posted January 2, 2024
Who is the asshole, Mexico edition.
This one is easy: we arrived to snorkel a cenote, which is an underground river in a cave (except for places where the cave roof has collapsed, then they’re more like channels). Buff dude in the parking lot was absolutely dousing himself in some sort of aerosol product: I don’t know if it was AXE Body Spray, bug repellant, or sunscreen, but it would definitely be poisonous to the very delicate natural ecosystem he was about to put his toxic body into. A worker at the park ran over and told him to stop spraying, and that he’d have to take a shower before getting into the water. He was offended. All brawn, no brains. Asshole.
The resort where we’re staying is right on the ocean, and has a collection of chaise lounges with umbrellas and round covered lounge beds. People “save” a spot by putting down a towel, usually along with another personal item of low value, like a book, or a hat. The towels are provided by the resort in a very managed system wherein a guest is charged $40 US per towel if they’re not returned.
I think it’s an asshole move to put down a towel and then disappear for half the day. I mostly don’t pay attention to this because we don’t consider ourselves to be people who lay on a chaise lounge on a beach. We don’t “tan.” But we tried it out when I was able to nab a pair of chaise lounges in an unusual mid-morning departure of the previous occupants.
We’ve decided we’re not NOT chaise lounge people – but these were extraordinary circumstances. Our room was just a few steps away – easy to run in and grab anything we might need. It was a perfect day with a light breeze. We were able to keep shifting the chaise lounges under the shade of the umbrella. We could wander in to bob in the ocean if we got too warm. Wait staff kept bringing us food and drinks. It was pretty good. I can definitely see the appeal.
I noticed a couple arrive and take control of a lounge bed that was being saved by someone else – but with only hotel towels, no personal items. Just hotel towels is not a serious save, I agree with that. However, I took against the interlopers right away, because they removed the towels by the very tips of the corners, like they were covered in cooties. The woman then proceeded to obsessively brush every molecule of sand from the bed. This bugged me, as we’re on a beach with extremely fine, white sand and eradication is really a losing battle. Our friend Matt, with his wife Angela on the neighboring lounge bed, took offense to her lips, which were injected with filler – I just assumed she had some sort of unfortunate deformity and was taking the high road to not make fun of her appearance, until I learned she did it to herself. Matt counted her obsessive sand removal a point in her favor, as sand is a menace.
I continued not really reading my Kindle as we settled into our new life beach sitting…and then the original lounge bed savers showed up. They confronted Fish Lips and Dude Bro, who shook their heads and shrugged. What! Dude Bro had folded up the saver towels and placed them under the wedge-shaped lounge bed cushion, but seemed to be claiming those belonged to them. Liar. The young women were now looking more urgently for their towels; after all, $80 US was on the line. They asked people in the surrounding beds. They asked the wait staff. Everyone shook their heads. I couldn’t just sit idly by. If you see something, say something. I got up and told the young women that the towels Fish Lips and Dude Bro had were there when they arrived. The young women just walked over and yanked their towels from under the wedge cushion and Dude Bro didn’t protest.
You might not see me, the middle-aged woman in a giant sun hat, floral swim tee and skirted swim capris, sitting nearly upright in the chaise lounge on the end. But I see you, asshole. I see you.