I've never been a fan of fitness classes that encourage "Just ten more!" and then we get through the ten and they move the goalposts. "Five more!" I don't like working out regardless, but find the bait and switch particularly loathsome.
This is how I'm experiencing chemo. It's not so much a bait and switch, I guess, as unpredictability. Everyone knows that chemo sucks. I expected it to suck. But I made myself believe it would just be a fly in the ointment, a temporary, irritating but manageable inconvenience. I expected one bad day.
Turns out there are more bad days. They're not acutely bad, go to the hospital bad. But they are "call the nurse line" bad. The symptoms are a bit outside anything I've experienced before, and there are a lot of them. Even so, I believe I'm on an upswing from Monday's crash.
This is what a relatively good day looks like: my teeth hurt, my tongue is swollen with small sores springing up along my tooth line, my eyes feel puffy and I'm sensitive to light, I have waves of gastric cramping, surprise nausea (I'm not surprised I have it, I'm surprised that I can feel fine and then be nauseous in a snap). My sinuses are parched and bleeding, I have ringing in my ears, my throat feels like I have strep (I could actually have strep). I have a muscle twitch above my left eye.
My port site is freaking out and itches. There's a raised, angry red reactive rash perfectly outlining the site of the bandage used to keep the infusion needle attached to my port. It seems crazy that one of my problems is a reaction to a band-aid. Band-aids are supposed to do good. The band-aid was removed immediately when it started itching, but the reaction to the residue continues to grow.
My body hurts all over, but the rolling, electric muscle/joint/bone spasms are getting better, which is awesome. Except for my hands, which ache most of the time. My head cold is better. I'm more mobile; I napped in four different places in our house today! The Recovery Lair (spare bedroom) is back in business. I have excellent care, between Bob bringing me food and Abbie not leaving my side (luckily, he's totally game for naps).
I have lots of drugs. I have four different anti-nausea prescriptions alone, but I don't understand the right times to utilize which drug. I have hoarded narcotics, medical marijuana, lots of other things. None of it removes all of the discomfort. But I'm happy it's not as bad as it was, while knowing it will get bad again. It's all bullshit.