For some reason I have an interest in reporting on the experience of having cancer. I think it's mostly because cancer is all around us, and so much of what I'm going through is a total surprise, which it shouldn't be. I think we should have a better collective understanding of some of these things. Maybe if we did, we might work a bit harder to mitigate the causes. Or something.
I also rely on, and like to give, honest product reviews. I keep sending around the tome I wrote about mail-order mattresses. If someone else can benefit from my research and experience, that's great. Many friends have given me a multitude of cancer pointers, and they're invaluable. Consider these months of posts my long-form review of cancer. Tl;dr: Sucks.
Of course, every experience will vary. I'm very aware that I am on this ride from a position of extreme privilege; I have excellent health insurance and I'm not worried about going broke because of cancer. I have a super-awesome, handsome partner in Bob who has attended all of my appointments with me, takes care of me, and puts cold wash cloths on my head when I need to spend time lounging on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, even when those experiences are terrifying to him. I have not one, but two beautiful homes to recover in. In Minneapolis, I have the ability to have anything I desire delivered to my door. At the cabin, my dad shuttles supplies as needed from town (it's harder to get decent -- or any -- pho up there, though). Everywhere, I have the love and support of so, so, so many amazing friends and family.
I feel like I'm at the cabin. It's summer time, dusk. The bugs are just starting to come out. I light a bonfire, which helps with the bugs. I put on some bug spray. This helps a little, but eventually, it's not helping enough and it's time to go in.
But this is CANCER, and I can't go in. I have to withstand the bugs, because I don't really have options (I do have the cabin as a fabulous consolation prize, even with the cancer and the bugs. Worth it.). Looking back, parts of being attacked by bugs weren't that bad, but there was always a thread of "What the fuck kind of apocalyptic hell show is even happening right now?" And I'm unsure which is supposed to be worse at this point, swarms of biting insects or cancer.
Keep in mind that I'm on the easy road, comparatively. I'm expected to live through this. My chemo is on the very lightest end of the spectrum. This is what easy cancer looks like.
Thanks so incredibly much for offers to help. I appreciate them immensely. It's a constantly shifting field, and I have access to so much stuff; knowing you're out there, following along and sending positive thoughts adds to the good karma bank that we all need. It's SO HUGE. It's all of you that distract me from the latest bullshit on this path. I appreciate it more than you can ever know.