Things (good and bad) keep piling on. I can’t believe it’s been seven years since the terror of my sister’s aneurysm. So much has happened since then! Funny that I think of the intervening years as some of the best of my life, in spite of all the cancer and unending bullshit in the world. Megan fully recovered from her bleed to see her three kids married, welcome two (soon to be three) grandchildren, and adjust to life with MS. I’d forgotten that Bob wrote this; maybe he did, too.
P.S. Also, why are we still plagued by Trump?
Bob Weidman
Originally posted by Bob Weidman February 20, 2017
15 years ago, before I met Kate, she had a ruptured brain aneurysm that nearly killed her. I've heard the story re-told many times, but I’ve always felt a certain emotional distance from the events because I wasn't there. That all changed on Friday when Kate's sister Megan had a ruptured brain aneurysm nearly identical to Kate's.
Kate got word on Friday evening, and less than an hour later was driving to the hospital in Fargo with her sister Molly to be with Megan and the rest of the family. I remained behind to care for the hound.
The good news is that the surgery was successful, the aneurysm is clipped, and things are going about as well as we could have hoped. It’s been a good couple of days for Megan, and we’re cautiously optimistic for a full recovery.
But back to me. Kate and I have been talking a lot lately about my tendency to avoid uncomfortable or awkward situations that might result in my experiencing "feelings" or "emotions". My instinct in most cases is to avoid the situation and pretend it's not happening, if necessary, forever. While this may not be the most productive coping mechanism, if the goal is to avoid any emotional reaction whatsoever and stuff any feelings down where they can never be heard from or acknowledged again, it can be extremely effective.
Needless to say, the present situation has presented challenges. I've been going back and forth between re-living Kate’s aneurysm, missing Kate more than I could have imagined, being overwhelmingly concerned about Megan, and feeling useless and wishing there was something I could do to help.
As events have unfolded and I've been updating Kate with occasional texts about the dog or the cats or other excitement around the house, I've found myself wanting to send words of encouragement, and for some reason, "I'm thinking about you", “you are in my thoughts", and "sending positive thoughts” don't quite get at what I want to say. On a couple of occasions, I've found myself typing the words "I'm praying for you."
The complication here is that I'm not praying. I’m absolutely not praying. I’ve never prayed, never saw the use in praying, have never seen praying as a particularly effective problem-solving strategy. Not to mention practicalities like who even to pray to (since my people killed Jesus).
But there is something strangely comforting in the thought that praying might be helpful, both because it puts a veneer of control over my utter powerlessness over the situation, and because it gives the perception of actually doing something affirmative and useful, as opposed to the reality of me sitting here hundreds of miles away “sending good thoughts".
Not sure what to make of these so-called feelings. I don't imagine I'll be doing a lot of praying anytime soon, but I feel like I have a much better understanding of people who do.
Oh, and fuck Trump.